Toby’s new home November 8, 2009
Posted by themarchingjester in Life At Home, Toby.Tags: backyard, dog house, kennel, poodle, scent, shih tzu, Toby
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No, Toby hasn’t been shafted. He still lives with us. Readers can rest easy.
I’ve been looking for a dog house for Toby to seek shelter from and more importantly, a place to rest. Previously, he had used his doggy door to enter the laundry, where it’s warm and secure. But doing that left our security door open, and we didn’t spend hundreds of dollars on a new security door so it’s left unused.
I’ve read a lot on dog forums how difficult it is to persuade your four-legged friend to get into the dog house. Dogs – when left outside – don’t tend to stray too far from the entry point into the home. So with that in mind, I moved things around the backyard to accomodate his new dog house and placed it right by the back door. This way the first thing he sees when he leaves his house is the entry to his ‘other’ house.
Getting him into the house was less stress-free than I had envisioned. Many owners recall trying to bait them with food, sitting next to the dog house to arouse the dog’s curiosity or even getting into the dog house.
My problem, however was three-fold.
Cup Day with a polar bear November 5, 2009
Posted by themarchingjester in Observations, Toby.Tags: Toby, poodle, dog, cute, lexie, groodle, shih tzu, melbourne cup, house warming
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Hi there, I hope your extended weekend has been kind to you. Did you win at the races?
My family – that’s myself, Michele, Toby and Baby (still getting used to saying that!) – went over to Sarah’s for a house warming-cum-Cup Day barbie at their beautiful home in Glenroy. I reckon they did very well for the size and amount of renovation needed. Michele would say the same herself.
Of course, that meant an arvo with Sarah’s groodle, Lexie. When she visited several months ago, I was able to manhandle her and pick her up. She was slightly larger than Toby and from far, the two playful dogs looked a lot like frolicking teddy bears.
Fast forward to November and what greeted me was a monster! A polar bear! A four-legged frosty teddy! A water-guzzling, bone-chewing, tail-nipping terror!
Well I’m glad I never have to deal with a dog this size! Toby feels the same way too, as he spent the entire arvo rejecting Lexie’s amorous advances! Which man would date someone bigger than himself, let alone six times his size!!?
Movember November 1, 2009
Posted by themarchingjester in Life At Home, To Start Off With.Tags: 'mo, body hair, facial hair, moustache, movember, sandpit, tache
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Against Michele’s wishes I have decided to grow a ‘mo to celebrate the wonderful cause that is Movember.
I reckon I would really have to had grown my ‘mo from last November to participate; such is the sad state of my un-hairyness. Bar a few exceptions, Asians really have the short end of the hairy stick. We simply do not have facial hair.
The last time I attempted to grow a ‘mo, I went three weeks without a shave and I looked a little like an abandoned kids’ sandpit that has the odd blade of green growing.
Oh yes, you had better believe it. With such embarrassing riches, I might need a stiff drink to muster enough courage to walk out into the world. Who knows what people might think if they have to come up real close to spot facial hair, when it’s meant to be seen from a mile away!
I’ll keep a regular update on my sandpit. Perhaps I might just build a little sandcastle, hide a bone in it and gasp in fake astonishment when Toby finds it.
The Fortnightly Belly Show – Episode 2 (week 18) October 30, 2009
Posted by themarchingjester in Michele, Pregnancy.Tags: adamantium, belly, blouses, doncaster, maternity jeans, morning sickness, mutation, retractable claws, ripe maternity, second trimester, she-wolverine, size 8, superhero, vomiting, wolverine
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Hi, it’s time for another update on my wife’s beautiful belly.
Michele at Week 18 found herself at odds with the natural order of the second trimester. After going a few weeks without morning sickness, she has been vomiting on and off with no apparent trigger.
With her heightened sense of smell, Michele’s continued mutation into the superhero She-Wolverine is now clearly visible. Infuse her with an adamantium skeleton and retractable claws and I would have been living with a real-life mutant.
With a belly that is now clearly showing, She-Wolverine is now unable to fit into her size 8 clothing.
We popped over to Ripe Maternity in Doncaster (of all places!) and found half a dozen of beautiful blouses, maternity jeans and evening dresses. Yes, because my beautiful wife sees a reason to spend $100 on a dress she’ll wear just once before she pops.
I understand my wife, but I can’t understand women!!
Jokes aside, I’m glad she now has comfortable daily wear for work. Previously she had squirmed in her clothes; now she’s living in her own skin and proudly showing off her belly.
The Birthing Of A Singaporean Father: Adventures In Conception October 29, 2009
Posted by themarchingjester in theAsianParent.Tags: conception, father, google, google search result, singaporean, the asian parent, the marching jester, theAsianParent
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Now I won’t normally admit to this, but for a few weeks I found sex boring. Yes, SEX WAS BORING. It became mechanical, stoic and I was doing the ‘thang’ through rote-learning.
Hello there.
My new fortnightly piece on becoming a father has been published on theAsianParent (TAP). Between getting back on the writing team again and having a regular ‘column’, I have been really busy with advancements in my day job, writing for TAP and making sure The Marching Jester isn’t neglected.
Then again, I’d much rather be busy as being busy is good.
While I enjoy writing, it does come with several downsides when your real name is published.
Firstly it’s my anonymity. My ‘cover’ is now blown. If you, loyal readers of The Marching Jester, have even a slight modicum of curiosity my name now turns up as a Google search result.
That is just…freaky. No online handles, no moniker, no obscure references.
Just plain unadulterated me with no artificial flavourings. Batteries not included (I had to include that!).
Secondly my nationality has now been revealed. Shock gasp horror! I guess I’ll just have to throw in a smattering of Singlish and pidgin colloquialisms into my daily vocabulary.
No, let’s not. Ever.
Toilet mannerisms October 29, 2009
Posted by themarchingjester in Life At Home, Michele, To Start Off With.Tags: apricots, buttock, colombo, dunny, ethnicity, excrement, fart, fruit, laxative, marriage, pong, shit, spring, the holy grail, vegetable, Wedding, wedding vows
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Hello all, I hope you have been well.
I had the worst case of the runs two nights ago after consuming too many dried apricots (They’re so sweet and juicy!) during lunch. Somebody must have forgotten to tell me apricots have a laxative effect because I went through them like apricots were The Holy Grail of fruits.
Of course, not being much of a fruit person – I prefer vegetables – didn’t help as apples meant as much as an orange to me. They’re round and colourful. Ooh, can I throw it at someone?
So here I was, getting acquainted with the dunny. It was a warm Spring day so my bare buttock didn’t experience a cold jolt upon sitting on the seat.
With half a packet left; the fruit that started it all.
Armed with a laptop on my thighs and a fresh roll of toilet paper, it was all systems go.
The best invention in the world! October 27, 2009
Posted by themarchingjester in Baby, Life At Home, To Start Off With.Tags: air con, airconditioning, Baby, best invention in the world, bun in the oven, summer
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Hello, I hope you have all been well.
My airconditioning units – busy collecting road tolls from the number of times I’ve walked past them sitting pretty in their boxes – have been put out of their idle misery as they are currently being installed.
About damn time too, I might add, with the oppressive heat of summer around the corner. I don’t think Michele would like carrying around an extra 15kg around her waist in a 50 degree house.
I doubt Baby would fancy leaving the watery cave that is the womb too. Although, it does put a new spin on the term ‘bun in the oven’!
Hole in the wall - who needs a window?!!
And if you, like me, love the cool of the faux air caressing your sun-kissed skin in summer, say it along with me:
“The air con is the best invention in the world!”
The Fortnightly Belly Show – Episode 1 (week 16) October 19, 2009
Posted by themarchingjester in Michele, Pregnancy.Tags: belly, bruce beresford, clothes, fat, kitchen raids, mao's last dancer, maternity, morning sickness, second trimester, trimester, tummy line, womanly
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Why hello there. How was your weekend? Michele and I had an eventful weekend, visiting friends, did some maternity clothes shopping (thank you credit card) and caught the Bruce Beresford masterpiece, Mao’s Last Dancer.
Michele’s belly is really beginning to show now, so I’ve decided to take pictures of her every fortnight to chronicle her expanding – and very sexy – tummy line.
A profile picture I had put up on Facebook two weeks ago got more than its fair share of attention from friends and family, so I’ve decided to put that up as Michele’s first belly pic. Come to think of it, I reckon I look 16 weeks myself!
A tulip among the thorns… October 13, 2009
Posted by themarchingjester in Family Trip, Michele, Pregnancy.Tags: Baby, monbulk, tesselaar tulip festival, tulip, tulip festival
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Over the weekend, we took a break from the hustle and bustle of baby products shopping and made a detour to the Tesselaar Tulip Festival. Strangely enough, in spite of all the colourful blooms and tasteful delights, the most beautiful object that caught my fancy was a stunning woman who is the mother of my future baby.
A whole new world October 12, 2009
Posted by themarchingjester in Baby, Observations, Pregnancy, To Start Off With.Tags: babies, Baby, baby and kids market, coburg, croydon, Daddy, kokoda trail, mommy, new worlds, parenthood, parents
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Hello, I hope you are all well.
Michele and I spent the entire weekend being thoroughly brain-washed by baby products at the Baby & Kids Market. It’s a market that doesn’t have a permanent base; instead it goes to your local suburb on a particular weekend day and you are most likely to find it in your town hall or community centre.
So enthusiastic we were, we went to the Saturday (10th) market in Coburg and somehow made our way to Croydon (!) on Sunday (11th). Along the way, we spent a couple of hundred dollars and had a little chuckle to ourselves as we wondered how much we would have spent had we purchased the products first hand.
It’s an awesome concept that, unless you are about to become a parent yourself, will fly under your radar as it’s not something that one looks out for in the papers. I was surprised how massively popular this alternate universe is, as there were hundreds of parents besieging the fifty odd stalls on each day.
