Planz schmanz – Wedding (the limousine) December 31, 2008
Posted by themarchingjester in Wedding.Tags: 5W1H, boa, Car, chaufferued, classic and prestige car hire, feather, john gordon, limousine, married, permutation, photo taking, rolls royce, silver clouds, spanish, Subway, tapas, Wedding
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One of the simpler aspects of my wedding is picking the car company. Believe me, just looking at the list Michele and I have finally drawn up (after much debate, grief and an abrupt 15 minute stand off that culminated in an unemotional gorging of Subway cookies) a rather exhaustive list of what’s what, who’s who, when’s that and every other possible permutation of the fabled 5W1H.
Until recently, the idea of paying $1000 for a chauffeured limousine was met with ridicule and scorn from a very budget-conscious wallet. Companies out there – and there are heaps – charge an arm and a leg just to drive people around in a fancy car that looks like a page out of a science-fiction story. If you’ve actually been in a stretch limo, you’ll know what I mean.
Michele and I have done a bit of research on limousines and have even been into a few, but it simply boiled down to economics. If you’re paying $1000 for three or four hour on Melbourne roads, you’re either:
a) Extremely stupid,
b) Extremely wasteful,
c) All of the above.
What’s more shocking is, most companies start their clock when they leave their premises en route to the bride’s place. Well knock me over with a feather boa, but there’s no way in hell we’re paying another $150 for half an hour of service.
Going To The Carwash! December 30, 2008
Posted by themarchingjester in Life At Home, Toby.Tags: dirty, dog, erection, matts, muddy, paws, Toby
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Welcome to my inner sanctum, my little private activity. As a privileged reader of this blog you have access to my daily rituals, so do not feel ashamed or embarrassed when I greet you with an erection.
Every night, Daddy or Mummy gives me a thorough clean. Wiping grime and dirt of my paws (I like running around in the backyard), a full body wet wipe, followed by a hair-raising blow dry to keep me warm and err, dry. They follow that up with a good brush (to prevent my matts from forming. Some do form eventually; it’s hard to keep them away unless a professional is hired!) and a big xoxo. Then it’s off to bed for me.
Here’s pictures of me getting a simple clean instead of the whole nine yards back in the winter just gone. I think Mummy was tired that evening, and only cleaned my paws (bad Mummy!). Oh well, beats leaving muddy paw prints all over the house! Don’t think Mummy (who’s anal about cleanliness) likes that too much!
Woof!
Planz schmanz – Wedding (the honeymoon) December 29, 2008
Posted by themarchingjester in Family Trip, Michele, Wedding.Tags: auckland, australian dollar, bangkok, cairns, dust, escape travel, globetrotters, honeymoon, hong kong, hotel ibis, hunky-dory, itinerary, japan, lonely planet, mildew, moths, new zealand, optimus prime, paihia, ravenous, rotorua, singapore, subprime, sydney, tweens, waterfront suites, Wedding, yen
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Well it’s come down to this. The Lonely Planet guide to Japan has earned herself an official spot on my bookcase, gathering dust, mildew and attracting ravenous moths. She’ll sit there for as long as the Australian dollar hauls its sorry as back to 100 yen (currently around 70 yen). Maybe by the time we find some form of accredited and experienced supervision from good friends or nannies, our tweens would have learnt how to earn some pocket money, pay off our mortgage and find ways to fend off those bills monsters that attack our mailbox every few weeks.
Ball + Park = Wet? December 26, 2008
Posted by themarchingjester in Toby.Tags: afk, birds, chase, ducks, fetch, furry, geese, i am toby, miserable, paws, shivering, Toby, water, wet, woof
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Hello! It’s been a week since Daddy’s talked about me in great furry detail so over a quick dinner yesterday I voiced my grievances by leaving a wet poop next to his clean laundry. I think Daddy got the hint!
Daddy’s decided to catch up with images of myself since he went AFK with my blog in winter this year.
We found a new park to visit regularly; one that would satisfy my burning desire to chase birds (I do that at home all the time) and the other to play fetch in a BIG playground.
The first time we were there, I discovered a new type of bird. Daddy calls them ‘ducks and geese’ but to me they’re all birds! These birds were floating on water and I was very intrigued by that. So curious I was, I jumped into the water and started to wade towards them. Of course, I’ve conveniently forgotten that the winter freeze chills the water. So I turned back and attempted to climb out. My tiny paws weren’t strong enough to climb myself out, and as the ‘ducks and geese’ floated away, Daddy laughed to himself, took a picture of miserable wet and shivering Toby and picked me out of the water.
To dry me out, Daddy played fetch with me until I resembled something more of a dog. Wouldn’t want to embarrass myself in front of the ladies with bad presentation skills. Number one tip: Always stay dry!
Woof!
My Health – How an apple a day… December 25, 2008
Posted by themarchingjester in Michele, Observations, To Start Off With.Tags: apple, bbc, bleed, conjunctivitis, cyclop, depression, football blog, gavin strachan, gold, haemorrage, health, lemon detox, lunatic, masturbating, robert zemeckis, ruby, suicide, tom hanks, weight, west gate bridge, wilson
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Well I’m not going to finish that oft overused quote. Growing up that didn’t make much sense to me – if the humble apple is embued with such potent healing qualities wouldn’t that make this miracle worker the most valuable commodity in the market?
Think about it. An ounce of apple would far outweigh an ounce of gold. The world would be a better place wouldn’t it?
As I write, I’m recovering from a rather sudden ‘inflammation’ of my right eye that would make Cyclop’s ruby glasses err, red with envy. Apart from curious stares or concerns from people and a very brief flirtation with an eye patch, I know it will go away. I still wonder how the blood vessel popped though.
2008 hasn’t been a very good year for me, health-wise. They say the human body responds to emotional, psychological and physical stress in many ways. While being jobless for most parts of the year has taught me to be patient, my body took a battering.
Until I finally found and stayed with my current job, my nose often bled (rather viciously I might add) everytime I blew my nose. Sometimes, a simple sneeze or clearing out my nose would pop the membrane and it’s another 10 minutes of tilting my head backwards with a tissue jammed in for good measure. Twice, it happened just before I was going for a job interview and I managed to keep the blood away from my nicely-pressed shirt. Not that it mattered anyway as I didn’t get the jobs. (more…)
While most people revel in the festivities… December 24, 2008
Posted by themarchingjester in Life At Home, Observations, To Start Off With, Wedding.Tags: american dollar, australian dollar, boxing day, carols, cherry blossoms, christmas eve, coles, escape travel, graveyard, highpoint, honeymoon, japan, knifepoint shopping centre, new year's day, safeway, singapore dollar, suburban, terminator, west
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Toby wishes everyone a Blessed Christmas. Woof!
…I’m back in the graveyard shifts, clocking in the hours.
It’s Christmas Eve today. The girls’ parents (also my in-laws) have settled very comfortably in my home. In the last week we’ve brought them around the West, showing them a little bit of real suburban life. Regular trips to the local market, where fresh produce can be purchased for a fraction of the price clueless urbanites pay for in the Safeways and Coles. We’ve taken them around our neighbourhood, where they oohed and aahed at the quiet streets, big houses and beautiful flowers as they they come into summer bloom. It culminated with a massive shopping spree at Knifepoint Shopping Centre where the family saw first hand how out of control Michele can be when she has her fiance’s *ahem* card in her hands. Boo, are you going to return the money? We need to pay our bills ya know…
Speaking of money, I’ve been rostered on to work over this festive period. A good mate of mine joked that Michele’s working me too hard. I’m looking at Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. Not for the faint hearted. But I’m not complaining. Being out of work due to silly foreigner visa restrictions for the most part of 2008 has built a sense of purpose in me. In fact, I’m like a custom built android sent back through time whose sole purpose is to earn enough money so there’s enough in our wedding funds. With only four months to play catch up, every fortnight pay couldn’t come fast enough.
Later in the day Michele and I are heading to Escape Travel to finalise our honeymoon err, plans. We had every good intention to witness the beautiful cherry blossoms in Japan in June, and had even spent some time looking for Japanese guide books to read up on. Of course, no one told us about the economy crunch. Now, the Australian dollar is a joke. Even the Singapore dollar eats the Aussie dollar for breakfast. Completely unheard of when the Aussie dollar was at a high of almost S$1.40 to A$1.00 in early 2008 and it was a few cents short of being on par with the American dollar.
We’ll come back in the early evening to a family meal with some close friends in tow, before leaving quietly for work on a free train ride.
I’ll leave home with the sounds of Christmas carols, singing (my father-in-law’s a very good guitarist/singer) and a stomach stuffed full with Christmas goodies.
To all Christians out there, non-Christians who appreciate a good Christmas cheer and non-Christians who hate the Cross and everything it represents, have a Merry Christmas. May our families be blessed.
The Lemon Detox – 3.5kg loss! December 21, 2008
Posted by themarchingjester in Life At Home, Michele, To Start Off With, Wedding.Tags: american, beachhead, british, cheshire cat, fads, herbalife, holland, jeans, king tiger, lemon detox, pointe du hoc, weight loss
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So, it has come to this.
At the end of a gruelling seven day solid food abstinence, Michele has finally achieved what she wanted.
I remember it all really clearly. It was sometime last week when Michele waltzed into my room just when I was about to call in my King Tiger tank in a last ditch attempt to salvage a brutal beachhead assault from British and American forces on Pointe du Hoc. With my ally (he’s in Holland) desperately calling me out to assist him, I managed to throw Michele a really annoyed look.
“Just what on Earth is it?” I thought to myself.
She always knows when to distract me. Classic, Michele. But this time, I was genuinely distracted.
My lovely fiancee had slipped into a regular pair of jeans which usually filled itself out. This time however, Michele had about an inch around the waist to slide around in.
“3.5kg I’ve lost!” she squealed. I made out those words over the din of my Dutch ally yelling out to me over my headphones.
Frankly, I was rapt. If it weren’t for the King Tiger, I would have abandoned the game (and formulating some sort of sorry ass apology to my ally later), reached out to Michele and given her a big xoxo.
I told Michele I won’t be ten minutes, and concluded the game as promised.
Michele was doing her hair and was now in a very sexy dress. Going out she is. I’ve not seen her in it for a good part of a year. Admittedly, we’ve both put on weight and I’m not able to frame some very nice tee shirts I’ve got stashed in my wardrobe.
Grinning like a Cheshire cat, she stood on the weighing scales and it read something straight out of a December low tide record. (Sorry readers, but Michele would absolutely gut me if I revealed her weight.)
As much as I’d hate to admit, the Lemon Detox has worked. Like a charm too. Apart from a very traumatic first 24 hours, Michele experienced no side effects, felt fuller more easily and had the energy of a spazzed-out Toby.
Still, I stand by my decision to chide her for adopting the next weight loss programme that comes along. She needs to stick to one. After the appalling debacle that is Herbalife ($200 and no results), my faith in these ‘fads’ have been restored.
Now the challenge for Michele is to stay at that weight. *chuckles*
By the way, I lost that game. The King Tiger failed to save our game. Oh well, live to fight another day.
I’ve come a long way, Baby December 18, 2008
Posted by themarchingjester in Observations, To Start Off With.Tags: alienation, americans, apartment, australia, bachelor, businessmen, canadians, chafferued, chinese, commercially, critics, crowning, dance, determination, dogged, dutch, educated, elated, elite, emblazoned. degree, fatboy, fence, fiancee, finnish, glory, grin, hindsight, influnce, internet, intervetion, lego, long, malaysians, massive, mature, melbourne, mexicans, millionaire, ministers, name, nationality, norwegians, outcast, paper, podium, poverty, primary, privileged, privy, property, regrets, rented, ridicule, sacrificed, saved, singaporeans, slim, snobbish, successes, swedes, the prodigy, toothy, unbelievable, university, villas, visa, visibility, way baby, worked
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I couldn’t have thought of a better heading to this post. If you, a passionate dance music afficionado, are thinking Fatboy Slim’s You’ve Come A Long Way, Baby (personally, one of two albums, the other being The Prodigy’s Fat Of The Land that broke the shackles of what people normally thought of dance and made it more viable to previous non-dance critics, both commercially and visibility) upon seeing the title post then you’re not wrong at all. But this post isn’t about what I listen to (more on that in the future?), it’s about I, Me and Myself.
Crystal graduates today from university. Her family/my in-laws (who arrived yesterday morning and is putting up at my house) are obviously elated. I know it’s got nothing to do with the first in the family to graduate with a Bachelor or the fact that the family had worked, saved and sacrificed a fair bit in the previous years to see her though university. Rather, it’s just knowing that Crystal has made a mark on her life, a small achievement that will be eclipsed by future successes. But right now, at this very moment, this very day, nothing matters more than seeing your name being flashed on the screen (I just hope they don’t spell it wrongly!), walking up the podium while flashing your biggest toothy grin and enjoying every moment of it.
Clowning around with Michele. What a difference a year makes since graduation in 2007.
You can graduate with as many Bachelors as you might see fit, but the first one is always special. Nothing tops the crowning glory in one’s short, youthful life. Of course, if you’re like Crystal or myself, who are mature aged students who went back to university after working for many years, it’s a different path we took. Nonetheless, it’s a path that mirrors students who went straight into university after Year 12. We all want to make a mark in our lives. We like to know that we are something and we can achieve it if we put our hearts into it. It does not matter how old you are. I know of several university mates who’ve got a couple of kids, in the mid-30s and are still as ‘youthful’ as fellow students two decades their junior.
I was 28 when I finally had my name emblazoned on a piece of paper that said ‘admitted to the Degree of’. Not that it meant anything to me back then. In fact, it still doesn’t. In hindsight, it’s just a piece of paper. I don’t really think a Degree matters as much as being true to yourself, knowing what you want and moving on without regrets.
Toby goes to the vet December 16, 2008
Posted by themarchingjester in Toby.Tags: admirer, advocate, allergic, animals, body, brush, c5 vaccination, care, Daddy, fleas, heartworm, limbs, lumps, mattes, mummy, needles, reaction, revolution, squirming, teeth, test, Toby, vet, walk, whining
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It’s been a long time coming, but Daddy and Mummy finally took me to the vet!
I’m somewhat overdue with my annual C5 vaccination – my last shot was in October 2007 – and Daddy has been getting into fits, putting extra money aside for me to visit the vet. It has not been easy this year and Daddy always tells me about it. I reckon I could write a book on all the grievances, funny stories and strange moments he tells me about!
When Daddy takes me on trips, he puts me in a large carry bag that never ceases to amuse me. It just got me worked up because the trip to the vet was the first time I’ve been taken out in a week!. Daddy and Mummy weren’t too pleased with my incessant whining and squirming. Just let me out of the bag! I wana walk!
Dr Susannah Munro’s such a kind spirit. I think anyone who earns a living taking care of animals should be given a badge. A big Toby badge. While I wasn’t too sure what she was doing to me, the big smile on Daddy’s and Mummy’s face said it all. She was stretching my limbs, prodding my body and checking my teeth – all very familiar to me as Daddy and Mummy regularly feel my body for any fleas, mattes, lumps and brush my teeth. I had several needles pushed into me, but I didn’t feel a thing because Dr Munro, Daddy and Mummy were fussing all over me. Did I mention Dr Munro liked how soft I felt? I think I’ve got an admirer!
As an added precaution – chiefly due to the two months delay since my last vaccination – Daddy also allowed a heartworm test and treatment performed on me. The procedure isn’t necessary had Daddy brought me to the vet in October but Dr Munro strongly suggested I had the test done as the Lost Dogs’ Home doesn’t stock Revolution (what I’ve always used) and prefers Advocate. Between missing the annual jab and a new brand of monthly treatments, nothing was left to chance. Nobody wanted me to suffer an allergic reaction!
