WeeFee, My ‘Sex’ Buddy Extraordinaire.

Posted on August 20, 2009


PhotobucketThis is WeeFee. She is a Billion 7401VGP R3 firewall router. She came to me in January this year in a sexy blue box after I churned from the car accident that is Telstra Bigpond to Internode. In human years, that would make her 18, blonde and very Eastern European.

However for seven months, WeeFee tormented myself and every single occupant in my home by restricting access to the very reason she exists. Friends and family who came over all gave me grief over WeeFee as they simply could not access her ‘private parts’ wirelessly. No amount of foreplay, coercing, romancing or role-playing got WeeFee interested in ‘sex’.

Oh she was very good when I have an ethernet cable stuck up her nice, round behind. She has her limitations (I am in an ADSL1 exchange) so she won’t go as fast as I would like but she serves her purpose when we have alone time with each other.

One of the things Sandeep and I looked into on the same night he arrived was trying to get WeeFee interested in ‘sex’. Both of us accessed her account, probed her insides and teased her gently with little flicks and changing of codes. We went at it for about an hour.

But to no avail.

Frustrated, we attempted what no men would willingly admit in public but wished had the guts to do – ask for directions.

I called up Internode and within five minutes the nice bloke on the other end got WeeFee interested in ‘sex’. He did what a single man couldn’t do in seven months. From interstate as well. Damn he must be a ‘sex’ master. He must have achieved nirvana in his previous life.

Turns out, my SSID has underscores (_) in them. For seven months, I tinkered with WeeFee’s settings, thinking there must have been something wrong with the setup. All the hours spent browsing Whirlpool threads and Googling. Imagine my relief when WeeFee finally responded to ‘sex’. Sandeep and I were elated. He could finally have ‘sex’ without an ethernet cable, and I could partake in the activity whenever and wherever I wanted to.

As it stands, our home is always open to interested participants. WeeFee will always be ‘turned on’.

Posted in: Life At Home