The Fortnightly Belly Show – Episode 7 (week 28)

Posted on January 3, 2010


Good day to all of you, and a Happy 2010 to readers. How have you been?

How else to start this cold start to new summer – 16 degrees on a summer arvo anyone? – than another update on Baby. I’m a little late this week, and other than blaming the Christmas festivities and a busy work schedule over the long holiday break just gone, I have no other excuses. Oh, and perhaps a packed European football schedule, culminating in tonight’s FA Cup 3rd round showdown pitting my team Leeds United against our arch nemesis Manchester United.

Show me a bloke who doesn’t like his football and I’ll point you in the general direction of 90% of the clueless Aussie population. Sorry, couldn’t resist.

But I digress.

Baby is genuinely up and about now. Every little movement or action Michele undertakes – be it eating, walking, sitting or just laughing – is reciprocated by Baby’s little kicks, punches, rolls or spins. Sometimes, Baby moves around so much it provokes an ‘ouch’ from Michele. It really hurts!

I really like the roundness of Michele’s belly. Michele and I enjoy testing Baby’s reaction to stimulants while we’re in bed at the end of the day. One thing for sure, Baby absolutely hates anything on itself. A bowl of cereal, a magazine, Toby or even a glass of water – Baby absolutely shits itself and makes it’s feelings known.

I’ve also developed a habit of teasing the way Michele walks. I think she looks just wonderful and cute waddling like a duck. The way she sways her arms beside her hips while she rolls her shoulders and hips gingerly with each step – there’s nothing quite like it and for about five months of her pregnancy I get to walk next to a feathered friend. Charmed, I really am. *pinches Michele’s rosy cheeks*

We’ve also purchased a body pillow for Michele as she has been experiencing extreme difficulties getting comfortable in bed. I don’t know what quite to make of it as it’s almost as tall as she is, it’s fits right under her belly while she’s lying on her side and contours to accommodate the belly. I suppose it’s worth the $59 purchase, no? I mean, what can a long body pillow do that three or four head pillows can’t accomplish? There’s a reason why our linen cabinet’s still stocked with six pillows. It’s meant to be used?

If I sound a little grumpy, perhaps I am. It’s still taking me a while to get used to spending extra money on seemingly unnecessary stuff for the comfort of the wife. Like a $30 maternity dress which she’d only wear once or twice before she pops, rendering the dress unusable. Or really expensive and unsexy maternity lingerie that compliments a boudoir decor. And how about using stretch marks cream all over your body when a 900ml bottle of moisturizer does the job better? The skins needs more than just Vitamin E!

Alright I hear the ‘buts’ and the ‘ifs’ from mothers past their sell by dates, expectant mothers and mothers rights activists. I guess the husband needs an avenue to vent, and if my blog isn’t an option, what then?

Truth be told, the joy and uncharted uncertainty we experience each day as expectant parents far outweigh any of the trivialities. Money that needs to be spent has to be spent. I can only talk the talk because I’m not the one carrying an extra 20kg around the waist.

Michele just loves rebutting all my loving jibes with an annoyed “Excuse me, who was the horny man who knocked me up one day? He had better start acting like the father and husband he promised me he will be!”

Now how can you say no to a wife with such a smart riposte?