The Fortnightly Belly Show – Episode 12 (week 38 and conclusion)

Posted on March 7, 2010



A final glimpse of Michele's enormous potential (no pun intended).

A lovely morning my beautiful readers, and welcome to the final episode of The Fortnightly Belly Show.

Yes, witness the triumphant arrival of a King and a Jedi as they battle the apocalyptic and nefarious Dragon Emperor and an ugly resurrection by hurling insults and big boobed heroines along a tree named road artery.

Now, not only have the I used too many pop culture wrap up analogies, I have successfully made myself look like a nerd online.

Jokes aside, the last 24 weeks – that’s 12 fortnights – have been a wonderful experience for Michele and I. We have truly enjoyed sharing our not-so-intimate details and big belly shots with you readers. Most importantly, I feel it’s important to talk about pregnancy in a non-scary and intimidating manner.

For first time parents, I found it’s necessary to talk about your concerns and not be too concerned about the unknown. Michele and I have found a little bit of humour, lots of patience and taking everything aboard like it was meant to happen helped ease us slowly into pregnancy. We’ve never done things the conventional way and bucked the trend, insisting instead to do it our way, whether by choice or by decisions in life.

In fact a key moment in Michele’s pregnancy was, believe it or not, the purchase of Thumper. Michele was about three months pregnant when we purchased our first car. We have a combined age of over 60 years but between the both of us we have never had a car. In fact, it wasn’t until I got my drivers in September did I actively start looking for a car.

And why did I start learning how to drive? My wife was pregnant, that’s why! No more public transport or wondering if those selfish people would give a seat up for Michele.

In the last few weeks as we lay in bed trying to fall asleep, Michele would turn to me and ask me if I have ever saw her as the mother of my child. This has been asked in various guises. When we started dating, she would ask me what was it about her I admire. After a couple of years together, she would ask why I didn’t break up with her and date other women. Several months after marrying each other, she would ask if I have regretted spending the last five years with her.

I would tell her the reasons why I love her, but I would always joke to her:

“Yes, I hated every moment I have spent with you. Please refund me all the my lost years with you.”

I have never saw myself as being a father. In fact as I speak, the nervous energy stemming from the not knowing still dries my mouth. Truth is, no man is ready to become a father. They are always wanting more freedom, more video games, more beer, more women, more fast cars and more money. No men will be satisfied with what they have.

But there’s one common denominator all men possess, and that’s the complete and utter look of love the moment their child is placed in their arms. Grown men would be reduced to tears. I know I would be too (but I would try not to show it!).

In the next 14 days Michele would start having proper contractions (none of that dodgy Braxton Hicks bullshit!). I could be at work, or could be at home. Either way I’ll be right beside Michele each step of the way as I shuttle her to Frances Perry. We have no idea what it would be like, how long the birth would take and how distressing those long hours would be.

All we know is we’ll cop it on the chin like the troopers we have always been, and take a few moments (when we can!) to reflect on what an amazing journey our first pregnancy has been.