Am I Old(er)? Or Am I Just Paranoid(er)? Five More Reasons!

Posted on April 28, 2010


In other news, I am definitely old. Regardless of the results of the polls from the previous post – which at time of writing is split evenly at 50/50 – I will explain further why I truly am quite a marvellous work of ehhhhm…old art..

You’ve read the previous post, answered the poll and are still in doubt I qualify for a senior citizen’s card? Read on.

Top Gear: Jackass for middle aged men.

I love Top Gear. I watch it because it’s car porn, the hosts are really funny and I like cars. But as if to mock my age crisis, I spotted this on my Facebook friend updates just earlier this morning:


I love you too, Clare.

Who the *Bieb* is Justin Bieber?

When you have to Google an American pop singer because he was featured on Seven News and both wife and yourself (who both claim to be rather clued in with the pop culture) have no idea who he is, you know you’re old(er).

Of course, why it made prime time news in the first place is another issue all together. I mean, who cares if underaged girls flew in from interstate to watch a pre-fabricated, overpaid and under talented white kid perform in an ultimately cancelled Sydney media event?

Alanis Morissette is on Gold FM.

I remember watching Alanis’s first hit single ‘You Oughta Know’ on MTV – it was on heavy rotation in the USA and she wasn’t huge in Asia then – and I thought to myself, “Damn this is a bloody good song. She’s going to be huge.” It was 1996. Fast forward to 2010 and guess what song I heard on Melbourne’s easy listening music station?

I am now an ‘uncle’ or ‘gentleman’

In Asia, you know you’ve effectively bridged two generations when other adults start instructing their children to address you as ‘uncle’. Only in Asia, where the terms ‘uncle’ and ‘auntie’ are used loosely to associate a friend or stranger of mature age. Yup, parents were telling their children to ‘Let this uncle go through first.’ The uncle who had a large bag of groceries in hand. The uncle being me.

And in Australia, likewise. I noticed an increasing number of parents were instructing their children to address me as a ‘gentleman’ even though I do not own a tailored formal suit, top hat, speak with a stiff upper lip, work in a library or drive a Rolls Royce.

He needs a haircut!

You know you’re old when you start scoffing at teenagers and young adults wasting their money and time on unnecessary and immaterial belongings. Money that could be better kept in a high interest savings account which could go towards a deposit for a house in future. Time that could be better spent improving your competencies such as learning a useful trade or another language.

And this happened to me last week. Stopping at the lights with the family in Thumper, I shook my head at some errant kids who were obviously bored and looking for trouble.

“They need a haircut!” I exclaimed disapprovingly at their coloured hair and long fringes.