Public Apology To My Wife & Son

Posted on June 13, 2010


Australia vs Brazil, Group Stage World Cup 2006.

Australia vs Brazil, Group Stage World Cup 2006.

Dear Michele and Levi,

World Cup fever has afflicted every football fanatic on Earth. Once every four years, 90% of the world who follow the true football code take time off work, chuck in a sickie or suffer alienation from their family members.

In most cases, the wives are made to suffer as they become World Cup widows. Many also forget children under the age of three also suffer as their fathers disappear from the bedrooms and become a permanent fixture in the lounge.

Due to marketing and global interest it’s in FIFA’s best interest to have the World Cup in the European time zone as it attracts the most number of prime-time viewers. Therefore, fans in the Asian time zones always cop it on the chin, waking up in the wee hours of the morning to follow their favourite European league or championship.

Because Australia is one of the last frontier in the footballing word, the round ball game is still slowly catching on in this part of the globe. As such, I have not been able to find many mates who truly appreciate how complicated, deep and tactical the game is.

As I have no one to watch the game with, when I yell ‘GOAAAAALLLLLLL’ after witnessing a truly remarkable goal, at that very moment I am one with 6 billion other football fans around the world who are celebrating together with me.

I did not, at any point, have any intention to wake my beautiful son up from his peaceful slumber. I also harboured no ill intention to make you spend another 45 minutes trying to settle him and make him sleep after struggling for 45 minutes prior.

I have learnt my lesson and the next time I wake my son up because my first instinct is to yell and cheer, I would be a good father and be responsible for my actions.

This I would do, even though Levi has never been able to fall asleep in my arms because I do not possess the scent of breastmilk, or your perfumed skin.

Yours sincerely,

Your loving husband and football fan,

The Marching Jester.